I can feel a change coming over me.
I’ve said this before.
I battle with a lot.
This other part of me.
This double life I’m living.
Beautiful one day,
Wrecked the next.
Nothing is enough.
Nothing satisfies me.
There is no limit.
Yeah, you read it correctly.
I’m only saying what other people are thinking.
Of what others are feeling.
What lies within all of us.
What we are afraid to let out.
What’s the worst that could happen?
I’m like the rest of you.
I’m the coward that pretends to be appalled,
Secretly marveling at the tales being spun.
Does that make me a deviant?
Tu pourrais être rude c’est ce que je veux
Look at me.
An absolute mess because of my thoughts centering you.
My friends tell me I’m crazy about this dream I once had.
They all laugh and mock till my foolish heart bleeds,
For the love it truly needs.
I dreamt of a man,
who took my hand,
and told me I needn’t do much,
just get used to his touch.
How could I?
It was all elusive to me.
you see, love never came to me.
How could I just be?
Yet he whispered in my ear,
told me things that made me shiver,
that promised to deliver.
It felt so real that to this day,
I sit here waiting,
for my dream man.
I desire to never be afraid,
Yet I stand trembling.
I want to be free.
Yet I’m chained to this bed that has me adrift like the sea.
What I want,
Seems more like a haunt.
Well, the time has finally come. My book has finally been edited, and it’s now being properly formatted. I have everything ready to go, so as soon as I receive the put together work of my book. (Yay) I sit back and wait. November 1st is both nerve-wracking and exciting. I think when I hit the publish button I will stay offline for a couple of days. I may even go to the library and sit in a quiet room or go for a walk outside.
I don’t know about you, but putting myself out there, even in a fiction setting is frightening. People always say that you shouldn’t be nervous, that your work should speak for itself. I know that I’ve told a great story. Whether a person likes it or not isn’t the problem; It’s the exposure. You, as a writer took time out of your day to tell a story. It’s new, and other people have to read it and comment on it. Keyboards warriors are very much a real thing.
I can only hope that my book is received well. I can only pray that another girl out there in the world sees that it is possible. If nothing else, my example can show that you can do whatever your heart desires.
What do you think?
I’ve been busy this week. Schoolwork has kicked into high gear, and my book promotions have been going well. This Thursday I will receive my manuscript, all professionally edited.
(And by that I mean copy editing, line editing, critique, and everything else that was wrong with my story)
Afterward, I will have my book professionally formatted- and it will be ready on October 21. Plenty of time before my release date to make any changes or have a couple more heart-attacks from anxiety.
This has been a pleasurable journey. I learned so much, met some great and interesting people, and have discovered a community just waiting for the next terribly romantic historical fiction. I do hope you guys enjoy it. Again, we’ve still got time before it’s released, (Check the banner) but I want to start thinking in the mindset of it already being released to the public. (EEEK!)
I love you all.
“You gon have to do more than just (say it)
You gon have to do less when you (do it)”
Just give me time,
I’ll be there if you co-sign.
Let me take what’s mine.
Even though you didn’t consider my countless dimes.
It’s not looking too well.
I’m not interested in buying what you sell.
You’ve lost your appeal.
That’s the only thing that has become real.
There’s a hypocrite in the room.
Lies are being swept under the broom.
Contention lies here.
Forewarn your conscience of coming near.
They speak of blasphemy,
Yet partake of the forbidden majesty.
They talk of practicing peace,
But their homes are filled with strife, and decease.
Beware, all who dare.
My heart is broken.
My defenses are up.
My safe haven was snatched from under me.
I have too much fear.
There was something inside of you.
It took my light away.
There’s a change taking place.
And it’s starting within me.
I fear the light,
I escape the sun,
I balk at the goodness in people.
My optimism lies in the lies of others,
You are my savior.
You chase away the demons,
I sometimes see in myself.