An Incurable Romance Writer
“You gon have to do more than just (say it)
You gon have to do less when you (do it)”
-Tory Lanez
………..
…Women.
Just give me time,
I’ll be there if you co-sign.
Let me take what’s mine.
Even though you didn’t consider my countless dimes.
I’m trying.
It’s not looking too well.
I’m not interested in buying what you sell.
You’ve lost your appeal.
That’s the only thing that has become real.
-N
Hello world!
So I had a religious experience this weekend. It was full of wisdom, deep insight, and I left feeling completed, sated, and spiritually blessed.
I had my revival service at the Magic Mike XXL premier this weekend.
As I was sitting in the theaters, watching the many previews, and waiting with bated breath for my favorite boys to light up the silver screen, I was thinking about the objectification of women.
In society, especially in the good ole’ U.S. Of A. women are judged constantly by what we wear, how we act, and what we should want versus what we actually want. (Good old fashioned, toe-curling, coma inducing, hair pulling orgasms, [yes plural] followed by good food, conversation, and possibly a relationship) However, if a naked woman comes on during a commercial break, and says anything remotely sexual, or holding anything representing a phallic shape, best believe the National Organization for Women will be on that commercial like white on rice.
Don’t get me wrong; I agree with all the women’s organizations, and such. No woman should be objectified, criticized, or demeaned just because of what is on her chests, and between her legs. But say we took a different approach; What if some women (Not all, of course) basked in the objectification? Men do it sometimes, (As seen throughout the film) and seem to flourish under all the attention. Are we being too sensitive?
Again, just an observation, nothing else.
I’m not calling Magic Mike XXL a stimulating, intellectual, IFC film; What you see is what you get, and the title says it all. But what if we took the same approach as the magnificent strippers and just not give a fuck?
Now wait! I’m not going to sit here and waste over 1,000 words boring you about all the gorgeous men and their abs, the dancing, sex, lots of ass, Twitch, abs, roll on the floor laughter moments, Tarzan, Matt Bomer, abs, long *ahem* manhood troubles, (did I mention abs?) and such. I’m not even going to tell you about Mike’s past life, and his alter ego, (A.K.A. white chocolate) or the amount of feels you’ll get listening to some 90’s, and early 2000’s throwback music.
No, I’m not going to say go see it at all.
š
-N
She had a bright smile,
Long black curly hair,
And a confident way about her.
This woman wore a white dress,
Strappy heels,
And a ring on her index finger.
No make-up,
No expensive handbag,
Just herself.
She was reading a book,
Deeply invested,
Breath arrested,
Eyes being tested.
All of a sudden she threw her head back and laughed.
A full-out, no-holds-barred laugh.
This woman had not a care in the world,
She laughed until her sides ached,
She laughed as if fully baked.
Oh how I envy that woman.
Who could laugh without a care in the world.
Who could throw her head back and enjoy life,
Who could soak up the sun without any strife.
-N
Heart beats quickly.
I can’t breathe.
This heady sensation.
No don’t stop,
keep going.
If all I can have is pleasure,
Then let me treasure.
Laying on this bed,
feels like paradise.
My heart feels compromised;
Yet I roll the dice.
You lean over my body.
You whisper in my ear,
You tell me things a woman should hear.
Feeling open,
Exposed,
Where is the fire coming from?
This internal steam.
You make me cream.
You scare me because you make me dream.
Dream about more than the average,
To reach for something above and beyond.
Because of your hands,
You have me doing things I don’t understand.
You make me second guess what I thought I knew.
How could I never had a clue?
You hold my body as a person should.
You tell me to trust,
You tell me it’s a must.
I’m trying, but it’s hard.
I tell you but you kiss me,
Hold me,
Shake your head and tell me that you can keep me safe and warm.
I shake my head and disagree.
I tell you,
It’s so hard to give something you fear being broken.
Used,
Overlooked.
You caress my face,
And tell me of a place we will go.
You tell me to close my eyes,
And you will make all the worry subside.
Seen, scream, beam.
You know the theme.
I take a sip from the flask,
and take off the mask.
-N
(If you’ve read Astell you catch my drift)
Dear Women,
I know that you feel tired. If you’re like me and you’ve just seen a bunch of rom-coms then you know what I’m talking about.
You’re looking for a man.
And not just any man, no the hero, the savior of dreams, the slayer of dragons, the one that loves to dance and can hold a tune. He’s supposed to make your knees quiver, He’s supposed to make you throw your head back in shameless abandon, and make you wanna say his nameā¦.
Sorry, just finished reading a Katheleen E. Woodiwiss book.You get what I’m saying?
The problem is, when this man comes about, at first he tends to need you, want you, may even say he loves you,
But does he really mean it? What about years down the road, when you are ready to have children, when you are ready to be the best soccer mom on the planet only to find that it was all a lie? Oh what to do? Well let me enlighten you.You see I’m tired. I’ve heard a lot and seen a lot. As you’ve read this past sentence you’re probably smirking thinking to yourself, “Now what has Nicole seen in her 24 years of life that would make her even close to a veteran?”
Ladies, you don’t know the half of it. Men say that we are controlled by our emotions; and that may be true 90% of the time. That however doesn’t excuse, nor condone the recent behavior men have exhibited to women. (Especially the behavior I have seen) Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not in any way bitter, or wishing the death of the male gender. But I want them to really see the damage that is being done to women by their own hands.
I’ve seen a woman, give up her whole life, give everything to a man just to find out that giving everything still isn’t good enough. I’ve seen a man have a woman work, provide, basically everything and be just quietly observing on the sideline.
I’ve seen a woman who wants to start the next chapter of her life, but can’t even move on because of false information.
Does any of this sound familiar to you?
On Lifetime, there is a movie coming out in a couple of weeks about three women, who are friends and vow to be married by the end of that year. While this journey is happening we see the friendship between the women, the ups and downs in their life along with the men who invade their minds, hearts, and bodies.
Now the movie had me at first; Just looking at the previews, hearing the Sia “Chandelier” song had me going. But the more I watched the more disturbed I became. Why should that be the goal? Why are women always written as wanting to get married, or have to be because of what other people think?
Now take Samantha from Sex and the City. Now that was a woman.
Someone who did what they wanted, whenever they wanted, and didn’t answer to anyone specifically no man. And the character created in part by a woman?
WHY SAY IT AIN’T SO!
What happened to her? That story came under backlash from men, and conservative women.(Who I think secretly wanted to screw just as Samantha did but who am I to say) Is a story only realistic if a woman character wants to get married and have babies, only to find out decades later that he didn’t want to marry you, didn’t really love you, you were a duty, or he’s been cheating on you the entire time?
Ladies, If you are like me then please help me do something about it! I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Ladies we’ve changed the world before, and we can do it again.
-N
āA WOMAN WITHOUT A MAN IS LIKE A FISH WITHOUT A BICYCLE.” -Gloria Steinem
ANGER,HATE,RESENTMENT.
That’s what I feel,
When I see YOU.
This ill-conceived notion that,
I NEED a man,
I NEED leadership,
I NEED direction,
Is complete bull.
Help ME understand.
Help ME see.
Maybe I’m blind, and can’t understand the need.
I HEAR women changing their ways for men.
My EYES see a woman who gives up her morale for a man.
My BODY shakes with rage at what we WOMEN allow.
WHY IS THAT?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH US?
AND FOR WHAT PRICE?
WHEN IS ENOUGH, ENOUGH!
I never said I didn’t want a man.
Oh, girls,
I want one.
I’m like the rest of the female population who wants someone to hold me a night,
I’m with the rest of you who wants to feel incredible both inside and out.
I want someone to tell me it’s going to be all right and actually MEAN IT.
“So,” answers Nikki, “What’s the cost cross road demon?”
Laughing menacingly he answers, “Oh,let me enlighten you Nikki.
Loss of individual thoughts,
Loss of the correct speech,
Loss of common sense,
Loss of intelligence,
Then you can keep him!
Sound good?”
“Uh,” replies Nikki, “Can I think on it?”
YOU HAVE NOTHING to offer me.
Because if you look here you see a woman.
But not just any woman,
A woman with a brain,
A woman who doesn’t think the same,
A woman completely unhinged,and untamed.
Where did we go?
How did we get lost?
Can we come back?
-N
“It’s cool I got itā¦” -N
I heard about a girl,
Whose ambition was to be a wife.
Not a lawyer,
Not a doctor,
Not the next person to solve world peace.
But a wife.
Now don’t get me wrong,
A wife has a lot to tackle.
Kids, children, a finicky husband,
You get my drift.
What made this crazy is when asked why she wanted to be a wife,
It wasn’t because she wanted to end strife,
That she had this feeling of giving life,
It was because it would give her a purpose.
As she said this I was mentally stabbing myself with a knife.
Ladies, what are we doing wrong?
I want love,
I want something more than the physical,
something that ascends even the spiritual,
But really?
Laziness!
Anarchy!
Ladies hold up your man-made bras and agree with me!
We have value,
and it’s not measured by how many kids we can produce,
or how quiet we can be for HIM.
Wake up!
Get your mind outta the Nicholas Sparks novel!
please, I grovel before you!
We are suffering,
We need to help each other.
Pull the strength from inside of you.
Yes you.
“Love is not just the verb it’s you looking in the mirror,” Kendrick says.
Are we following these words?
Are we looking to love ourselves first?
I stand here perplexedā¦ā¦
-N
Hello world,
let me introduce myself.
You see I’ve been kind,
of sound mind,
and always on time;
But no more.
Give me a minute, a moment,
a second for you to understand my plea.
I can’t really call it a plea because I don’t
care if you see.
I don’t care,
If this makes the hair stand up on your neck.
I don’t care
If this gives you chill bumps on your arms.
You see, I am beautiful.
And no I’m not 5’5 125 and blonde.
No I am not,
I’m proud to have hips, thighs, and seductive eyes.
I’m glad to be tall.
I’m glad to have breasts, a swagger, and a sweet behind that ain’t going no where.
I’m glad to have melanin in my skin and don’t need to bend.
I’m glad that I come from a culture a country a history
so rich, so grand that you couldn’t possibly understand.
I’m so glad that my people had to go through trials and tribulations,
separation of families, and dynasties
that only made us,
that made me stronger.
Now understand chattel slavery wasn’t an ideal way to make us stronger,
but you know, I guess it’s my people fault for being an inferior race and all.
But I shouldn’t jest,
my mind seems to digress.
I’m not sorry if I don’t cower in fear.
I’m not sorry if that’s not what you wanted to hear.
Save your pity,
your crocodile tears.
I’m through being patient.
You see the world I live in thinks from time to time to stereotype
me,
to call me names so that I know my place.
The world I live in thinks it’s okay to tell other girls, and women
to lighten yourself a bit,
to wear your hair a certain way,
and in some states to call me bae.
In some places it’s okay to STILL call my father,
a grown man with a family boy.
In some states it’s okay to shoot at black boys, and men because you think they may harm you when in all honestly they die following orders, and rules THEY demand of you.
In some states it’s okay to shoot and beat a black woman on the street just for asking why you want to arrest her.
In some states it’s okay to pull over two black young girls leaving the beach, and put your hands in their privates for the world to see just because they were speeding.
In some states it’s okay to call me a nigger, darkie, sexual fiend, that needs a iron fist and a ruling hand.
Oh, I’m sorry it was in the past so it means that I shouldn’t offend your delicate sensibilities.
Again my sincerest apologies.
Someone please come and clean up this sorry lot.
these words I jot,
on the spot,
should hopefully educate a tot.
-N
āGirls you’ve gotta know when it’s time to turn the page.ā ā Tori Amos (From the Choirgirl Hotel)
Hello world!
So, a couple of days ago I told you that I was applying to my alma mater for graduate school. After I applied and hit send, I’ve been thinking non-stop for the past couple of days about my future. Thoughts like, “Did I make the right choice,” or “What if this isn’t the major for me,” have been running rampant through my head.
You see I’ve always wanted to make a positive impact, or show change to someone who was in my position. I wanted to show other young women and girls that even when it seems the odds are against you, you can still succeed. I also knew that in my head for all my talk of bravado, and self-confidence I knew the only real reason I was picking CSU Fresno was because it was my safety zone. I picked a safe major (english), a pretty safe place, and a very predictable atmosphere; but I wanted to shake things up. So I looked into other programs. And guess what?
I am now a proud student at Strayer University. that’s right folks, you’re girl right here is an M.B.A. student.
Oh I’m scared out of my mind; (I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t worry) But I realized that I am changing, and I should try something that makes me work even harder to achieve my goal. So in a couple of weeks, your girl Nikki is hitting the books once again.
I’m baaaacccccckkkkk!
-N
š
āNever do a single thing in the anticipation to prove something to someone who has hurt you. If someone has hurt or offended you (whoever that person may be), never perform anything or strive for anything in your life with the mind of proving something to that someone/ to those people. May nothing that you do be done with any thought of them in mind. There is nothing that needs to be proven.āĀ
āĀ C. JoyBell C.
Hello world!
Sorry for the delay. I want to make sure that I have something good to say, that’s why I wait.
That’s what I tell myself.
Yesterday was tough. Real tough. Recent developments have happened in my life forcing me to make drastic decisions I never thought I would have to make. It hurts because when you thought you finally found some peace, or that you could open yourself up to trust, you find out that it was all a false sense of security to begin with. The quote above really struck me because most people do things to prove a point to someone. You know the usual, “I’ll show you,” or, “They will regret ever ignoring me,” spiel. The reason that line of thinking is a losing battle is because you are letting that person control you’re actions. You shouldn’t give that person the satisfaction of your brain time. I say all this to say I too was having the same line of thought until this morning. I woke up, made some decisions, and set about being a whole new person. Not one that isn’t recognizable but one that realizes the error of her ways, and a person willing to not only rectify, but make sure these mistakes are not repeating.
I hope this is able to reach you. If you are hurt, hurting, or wanting a way to start over know that you’re not alone. That no matter how hard it gets, no matter the circumstances you can finish the task given. A wise woman told me to forgive and move on. Not for them, but for yourself.
-N
JustNicoleRenee 