It’s Been Awhile…

Good Morning/Night/Day world!

So, based on the title, you should know already what I’ll be talking about.

Time. Well more specifically, my time away from you all.

Yep, that’s right. Your girl here has been absent from the blog game. Not purposefully, but still absent.

I blame it on Fanfiction.

But, at least I come with good news, right? Well, here it is. I have officially finished my first book! Gah! It’s a historical romance novel, but I am so happy with it. After years of secretly pulling out my paperback in high school, (and college) I have finally done the unthinkable: Finished a story!

Let me explain.

You see, I’ve always had this story brewing in the back of my mind, but I was afraid to put pen to paper-or fingers to a laptop, you know how it is- fearing the worst. But not anymore. I recently turned twenty-nine years old, and since then, I felt it was time. Time to change my life. No more excuses, no more putting anything off. It has always been a goal of mine to do this, and now that I can? I am so thrilled.

But, there is a lot that goes into self-publishing.

You have to find a book cover artist for both the paperback and e-book. A reputable editor, copyright your work and find a PR company that will give your book enough buzz to be seen. You have to also make sure your book is properly formatted, and if you cannot do that for Amazon, iBooks, and Barnes and Noble. If you can’t do the formatting, I suggest you hire someone as well-like I did.

It’s all rewarding though.

To see my book on a website with countless other writers is an honor to me. That is payment enough. You won’t believe what gave me the courage to actually do it. I’ll give you a hint, I mentioned the reason recent bout of MIA-ness earlier. Still didn’t pick up on it? That’s quite alright. I’ll tell you anyway.

It was Fanfiction.

Back in 2013, I started reading it. I heard about it, and let’s be frank, after reading the Fifty Shades of Grey Trilogy I became intrigued. The more I read, and left reviews, I started to form an e-community of readers, and surprisingly writers. It stunned me.

But in a good way.

Then I started writing it as well. (I will not leave you my FF name because, well, I’m not that bold yet-LOL) It was so much fun. You had characters from your favorite shows that you could shape and mold to do with as you chose. But the plots were entirely my own. The more I began to write, however, the more I became jealous of the already assembled characters. Why couldn’t I come up with unforgettable characters? I asked myself.

So I did. And I have no regrets whatsoever. Writing on the FF site also gave me the courage to be more open with my work. Here, I was glad to post my poetry, but never my fiction. That, however, is changing.

Starting now.

As of tonight, at 2:58 a.m. in California, I will be posting MY story ideas, along with poems, and thoughts. I hope you all enjoy this other facet of me. Truth is, it was always here, but like in Split, I was often afraid to let that part of myself come to the light. (I know I just compared myself to a schizophrenic man who had 23 personalities living inside of him but just go with it)

Anyways, I love you all, and I hope that you will enjoy some excerpts from my book, my poems, and thoughts, that I will post here more frequently.

I love you all,

Nicole Renee.

A Untitled Ode To……..

“You gon have to do more than just (say it)
You gon have to do less when you (do it)”

-Tory Lanez

………..

…Women.

Just give me time,

I’ll be there if you co-sign.

Let me take what’s mine.

Even though you didn’t consider my countless dimes.

I’m trying.

It’s not looking too well.

I’m not interested in buying what you sell.

You’ve lost your appeal.

That’s the only thing that has become real.

-N

 

Here In The Dark

There’s a hypocrite in the room.

Lies are being swept under the broom.

Contention lies here.

Forewarn your conscience of coming near.

They speak of blasphemy,

Yet partake of the forbidden majesty.

They talk of practicing peace,

But their homes are filled with strife, and decease.

Beware, all who dare.

Beware.

-N

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jours et Nuits

There’s a discord,

between me and reality.

I’m living but I’m really not.

I’m breathing, but it’s artificial.

I keep feeling stuck,

But I have no idea on who to call.

I’m having another sleepless night

There’s a war raging within me.

I keep fighting the deep abyss,

I keep fighting gravity.

I keep soldiering on.

I keep walking on.

-N

Minuit Confession Du Pécheur

Twisting and turning in this bed.

Legs in a vise grip.

Air levels are depleting.

Gasping for acceptance,

Gasping for love,

Gasping for truth,

Gasping for understanding.

I am a huge contradiction.

I am the thing I fear the most.

I shake my head no,

But spread my legs,

In desperate anticipation,

For the devil’s euphoric stroke and flow.

My chest heaves anxiously,

For his talented tongue to taste my skin,

I need this sin.

My nipples tighten in practiced rhapsody,

For the soulless being taking me to ecstasy.

My core soaks in abject blasphemy,

For the ignorant bliss he brings for the night.

Suffocation is here,

The man in black has [finally] re-appeared.

My affinity for the sinful,

For the debauchery,

For the unattainable,

Will be the death of me.

-N

Permettez-Moi De Vous Parler Un Instant

This poem was inspired by one of my favorite authors Jane Austen.
“The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid.” -Jane Austen

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

I don’t want love.

Not right now.

People think I’m crazy for saying this.

At least I’m honest.

I’ve never lied to my fellow reader,

Only aspired to be a leader.

I’ve never been one for dramatics,

So I won’t pull the script from life’s attic.

I’ve seen no good examples of what people call love.

How can I trust something I barely know exists?

I’ve seen people together,

Because of duty,

Because of religion,

Because of children,

Because of comfortability,

Because, because, because.

Everyone is always talking about love.

Fuck that.

Do you enjoy a good novel?

Do you like to read?

Do you even read?

Do you enjoy expressing your feelings through the liberating art of prose?

Where is your sense of adventure?

What is your definition of life?

Do you,

Do any of you ever have these thoughts from time to time?

Or are we all destined to the doom that is “matrimony?”

-N

A Letter

Dear O,
I love you,
I always will.
You reminded me,
to be myself.
You told me that I could do anything,
And I believed it.

People lie,
They tell you what you want to hear;
But you never did.
You’ve always kept your word.

You’ve told me in confidence that you felt trapped.
You told me that the world was closing in on you,
And you needed a place to be free.
I now know what you mean.
Now I know what it means.

-N

Le Soi Assuré Femme

She had a bright smile,
Long black curly hair,
And a confident way about her.

This woman wore a white dress,
Strappy heels,
And a ring on her index finger.
No make-up,
No expensive handbag,
Just herself.

She was reading a book,
Deeply invested,
Breath arrested,
Eyes being tested.

All of a sudden she threw her head back and laughed.
A full-out, no-holds-barred laugh.

This woman had not a care in the world,
She laughed until her sides ached,
She laughed as if fully baked.

Oh how I envy that woman.
Who could laugh without a care in the world.
Who could throw her head back and enjoy life,
Who could soak up the sun without any strife.

-N