You left me for a while.
But you came back.
Moving like a runningback.
I have no slack.
I can’t believe what you’ve made me feel.
What I’ve written,
What you’ve made me do.
I still haven’t truly processed what you’ve made me do.
My heart was broken.
I want you in too many ways.
I can’t say no though.
It’s not good for me.
This is a drug.
But I have to take another hit.
Just once more.
Then I promise I’ll go.
Promets juste que tu-
It’s in the words.
This dream confused me.
For the life of me, I can’t let it be.
Our stomachs pressed together.
Dur et doux.
Why would that stick out to me?
Why should I be turned on by your stomach against my own?
My heart was racing, thighs and panties wet,
Ready to be your pet.
It was then I paid attention.
You whispered words in my ear.
Nonsensical, fast, slow, words.
With every word you spoke,
My mouth watered.
My skin pulsed.
My eyes dilated.
I wish I could remember the words you said to me.
I wish I could hold them close for the lonely nights.
I wish I could carry them with me like I do my sight.
It was the words.
It’s one thing to say something.
Another thing to mean it.
What would it take?
For you to put it all at stake?
My dream was you gave me you.
But now I know that it’s not true.
In more ways than one.
I stand here in the night,
Waiting for that light.
That effervescent, unavoidable feeling,
That would explain this clear ceiling.
That’s been wheeling, stealing, taking all my feelings.
I’ve spent too much time kneeling.
My thoughts are jumbled.
I don’t know what to feel.
I want to say more,
But I’m not sure.
If I stay, I might become a bore.
I’d rather not be mentally sore.
No, I’d rather feel like folklore.
Unattainable, with a touch of womanly intrigue and lure.
You made it.
You reached that point in your life,
Where you’re done with the worry and strife.
You wished things stayed the same,
Not realizing that it was nothing but a game.
Gone are the days of blasting music from a busted car,
even though you remember those warm crazy nights from afar.
You did things that you now laugh about.
You danced until your feet throbbed.
You fell in love until you sobbed.
You made mistakes,
Which often ended in backaches.
Mais tu as grandi.
You’re no longer that bright-eyed pup.
Breathe in the fresh air,
Ignore the dare,
And take care.
Laugh at the ones before you,
Sit down and watch them stew,
While you catch a breath and take a brew.
Welcome to womanhood.
I looked up,
And you were there.
I tried to speak,
But you shook your head.
I stepped back.
You walked forward.
“I went too far,” you said.
“I took too much,” you pled.
“I should’ve tried,” you shouted.
I wanted to scream.
I wanted to fight.
Anything but feel this.
This burning in my chest.
This racing heart.
“I lost myself along the way with you,” I spoke quietly.
I walked forward.
You stepped back.
You tried to speak,
But I shook my head.
“No. It’s my turn to speak.”
I can feel a change coming over me.
I’ve said this before.
I battle with a lot.
This other part of me.
This double life I’m living.
Beautiful one day,
Wrecked the next.
Nothing is enough.
Nothing satisfies me.
There is no limit.
Yeah, you read it correctly.
I’m only saying what other people are thinking.
Of what others are feeling.
What lies within all of us.
What we are afraid to let out.
What’s the worst that could happen?
I’m like the rest of you.
I’m the coward that pretends to be appalled,
Secretly marveling at the tales being spun.
Does that make me a deviant?
Tu pourrais être rude c’est ce que je veux
Look at me.
An absolute mess because of my thoughts centering you.
I shouldn’t click but I do.
I can’t keep my thoughts straight.
A song comes on the radio.
I feel that I should go.
Mon esprit me dit toujours non.
You are a drug.
I swear I’ll never go back.
Just one more time.
But then I see your name,
and it’s like a sign.
Times, minds, drawn.
I can barely get my thoughts out tonight.
Because what’s promised is more delight.
Is it selfish?
To want to feel this for only me?
To not care about you,
To not care about what anyone else feels.
I want to take,
I never got to before.
I’ve always given,
Put myself on the back burner.
I tell you the rules.
Instead of being bothered,
You only smirk.
Glance my way,
And take off your pants.
Draped across the bed,
You tell me to take what’s mine.
We’ve got nothing but time, is what you said.
I have your pleasure,
But only if you take mine.
This has never happened to me before…
My friends tell me I’m crazy about this dream I once had.
They all laugh and mock till my foolish heart bleeds,
For the love it truly needs.
I dreamt of a man,
who took my hand,
and told me I needn’t do much,
just get used to his touch.
How could I?
It was all elusive to me.
you see, love never came to me.
How could I just be?
Yet he whispered in my ear,
told me things that made me shiver,
that promised to deliver.
It felt so real that to this day,
I sit here waiting,
for my dream man.