Alice, Rinse, Repeat.

I’m locked in a room.
A room of my own choosing,
But a room nonetheless.

I need to breathe,
So I could seethe.
Constantly gnash my teeth,
Is that yellow?

I need space.
My body waits in anticipation for the fates.
Hurry say something!
Say something quick before I die!
Don’t lag,
Or be shy.
I need you like the sun needs the sky.
I’m disappearing you see,
This drink won’t let me be.

I need food.
Nourishment for the body and soul.
I have no control.

The voices I hear are becoming louder,
The ominous footsteps closer,
Walking to the beat of a silent composer.

My breath stops,
My heart skips a beat.
The door swings open,
My body completely frozen.

I’m locked in a room.
A room of my own choosing,
But a room nonetheless………

-N

Come On Baby Ride…………

Another year has drew near,
Yet I’m free of doubt and fear.
I’m clear,
And it’s all so dear.
This year I had lows.
This year I had doubts,
This year I heard lies.
I became someone I didn’t recognize.

No more.
You see,
I’m too exhausted and sore.
I see the sun coming out.
That’s what I’m about.

I need my happiness to be something more.
Something that someone doesn’t see as a chore.
I need my sanity to be something not wrapped up in a person,
An idea,
A good person.
Give me,
Give me,
Give me,
Is all I’ve said.
No more.

I shall take,
create,
make,
bake,
break,
shake.
Anything to bring me to life.
Anything to help me not be filled with strife.
Bitterness,
Resentment.

I see the light,
It’s about to take flight.
As am I, I say.
As am I.

-N

Ce Que Je Refuse De Se Sentir

“She needed a hero so that’s what she became.” -S.L.

Do you really mean what you say,
When you look my way,
You love me?
Do you really love?
Does anyone really love a person?
Is it a job,
A necessity,
Something that people feel they should say.
If that’s the case,
then by all means keep your words at bay.
That’s what I say.
Love,
Romance,
Is it really true?
Or just some mocking twist?
Keep me blind,
Keep me from this impending doom.
Right?
I don’t see an out.
I have these feelings of self-doubt,
And what’s worse is not a single person can reassure me,
That love will fix the problem.
Can you?

-N

Les Couleurs D’hiver….

This cool breeze feels cool on my skin.
Heavenly respite where have you been?
This feels so good it could be considered a sin.
I don’t know how or when,
but this feels like the start of life again.
I just want to take this time,
revel in this wine,
That’s got me twisted in this vine.
Do you mind?
The leaves are rust,
reminds me of the summer must,
lust,
the complete and utter sunshine and trust.
This evening landscape,
Is more than just a pretty escape.
I’m awake,
Thankful for everyone’s sake.

-N

Ahead

It’s not the holidays that have me full of cheer,
Nor the consumption of beer.
Truthfully it’s the upcoming fear,
That is near.
The next year is just about here.
For the first time I’m clear.
Free of the hustle and bustle of constants sneers.
Free from the inhumanely leers.
peer, sheer, jeer,
You know what’s real.
There’s a change in me,
and for once it’s letting me be.
I can see!
Darling please pass me the tea.
I’m here on solid ground,
I’m future bound,
And it’s more than my heart can compound.
People have kept me in the past.
They’ve kept me down,
trodden,
sad.
Now I’m glad,
I can no longer be mad.

-N

Take Me To Church…….

I feel…

New
Unglued,
Unfettered
different.
What is this you have me on?
I hope you understand.
Bland, brand, canned,gland.
Now that’s a word.
Gland.
The gland that lies within the mouth.
The part that helps with the pleasure.
Oh please measure,
don’t let this feeling fester.
I don’t want a tester.
I want it all,
I want it now,
I want to know,
I don’t want what I had before.

-N

Not Looking For Captain Savior….

“It’s cool I got it…” -N

I heard about a girl,
Whose ambition was to be a wife.
Not a lawyer,
Not a doctor,
Not the next person to solve world peace.
But a wife.
Now don’t get me wrong,
A wife has a lot to tackle.
Kids, children, a finicky husband,
You get my drift.
What made this crazy is when asked why she wanted to be a wife,
It wasn’t because she wanted to end strife,
That she had this feeling of giving life,
It was because it would give her a purpose.
As she said this I was mentally stabbing myself with a knife.
Ladies, what are we doing wrong?
I want love,
I want something more than the physical,
something that ascends even the spiritual,
But really?
Laziness!
Anarchy!
Ladies hold up your man-made bras and agree with me!
We have value,
and it’s not measured by how many kids we can produce,
or how quiet we can be for HIM.
Wake up!
Get your mind outta the Nicholas Sparks novel!
please, I grovel before you!
We are suffering,
We need to help each other.
Pull the strength from inside of you.
Yes you.
“Love is not just the verb it’s you looking in the mirror,” Kendrick says.
Are we following these words?
Are we looking to love ourselves first?
I stand here perplexed……
-N

More Than A Workout Song…..

“You don’t know me but it’s not too late…” -Tom Swoon Feat. Amba Shepherd (From Not Too Late Bassnectar remix)

Hello world!
Firstly happy holidays. I love December. Apart from it being my second favorite month of the whole year,(my birthday is the first) I love the whole giving, Christmas, and giving cheer. I also love the amounts of foods being served. But I decided to do something different this year. While everyone else is contemplating eating twice the amount of the their body mass for basically the whole month I’ve decided to get, if possible healthier. I love the fatty delicious foods my mom places on the table; However I also love skinny jeans. I think that with everything you have to find a balance. Lately I have been way too unbalanced but I’ve decided no more.And who says you have to wait until January 1st to set unrealistic goals for yourself, when you can start now? I’ve been wanting to lose a serious amount of weight for some time now. My sister has encouraged me and helped me continuously by saying to me,
“Nikki, you can do it. I believe in you.”
So what am I doing? throwing away all the junk food in my house and re-upping my gym membership. She even picked out songs for me, that she said, “Was all me, and that I would understand once I was in the gym.” I could cry from how thankful I am to her. Well world I’m back.
I’m back.

-N
😉