I don’t know how I feel about love.
I see the desperation around me.
The need for people to belong, never to be.
Why does that baffle me?
I’m astounded, flabbergasted, embarrassed.
Not for me, but for you.
I hope my befuddlement will one day hold the clue.
That I seem to need,
So that I can be free.
Stuck in this prison of my own making.
I don’t see the need for companionship.
Have I been burned too many times?
Have I missed my one person,
I have no shrine.
I used to have dreams of how love would go.
But that turned out-
I’m afraid of not feeling what everyone else does.
Am I broken?
Then why do I feel free?
Spreading my legs and throwing my head back in joy.
I’m not shackled down,
Ready to drown,
Packed to leave town.
It’s one thing to say something.
Another thing to mean it.
What would it take?
For you to put it all at stake?
My dream was you gave me you.
But now I know that it’s not true.
In more ways than one.
I stand here in the night,
Waiting for that light.
That effervescent, unavoidable feeling,
That would explain this clear ceiling.
That’s been wheeling, stealing, taking all my feelings.
I’ve spent too much time kneeling.
My thoughts are jumbled.
I don’t know what to feel.
I want to say more,
But I’m not sure.
If I stay, I might become a bore.
I’d rather not be mentally sore.
No, I’d rather feel like folklore.
Unattainable, with a touch of womanly intrigue and lure.
I don’t like being torn.
I say yes, but I don’t mean it.
I say no, but eyes say otherwise.
It’s not fair.
Making you out to be a mind reader.
But it’s what I want.
I need for you to decide.
I need you to tell me otherwise.
Pouvez-vous voir ce que mon desir ardent pour moi me fait?
Say you’ll stay even when I scream at you to go.
Say yes even when I sound bitter and tell you no.
I’m a small disaster you see.
I don’t I’ll ever just be.
Yeah, you read it correctly.
I’m only saying what other people are thinking.
Of what others are feeling.
What lies within all of us.
What we are afraid to let out.
What’s the worst that could happen?
I’m like the rest of you.
I’m the coward that pretends to be appalled,
Secretly marveling at the tales being spun.
Does that make me a deviant?
Tu pourrais être rude c’est ce que je veux
Look at me.
An absolute mess because of my thoughts centering you.
Isn’t this wonderful?
An amazing artist I found on Twitter, who sketches writers with their favorite quotes from their own work, creates sketchings to go with it! I love art in all forms, so of course, I said yes! Anyways, tell me what you all think!
“One of the greatest discoveries a man makes, one of his great surprises, is to find he can do what he was afraid he couldn’t do.” -Henry Ford
This morning has been nerve-wracking and exciting at the same time. The entire self-publishing process seems to have come to an end for my first book. It releases on Friday on Kobo, Barnes and Noble.com, and Amazon. Everyone who needs to be notified already has, and now here comes the stressed-out part:
One would never guess that waiting could cause anxiety. But it can. When you’ve done all you can, poured your heart and soul into something you treasure, the only thing you can do is wait. Some people will love it, others will hate it, but the only way to truly know is to wait. Still, I commend everyone who has walked before me. Everyone who has taken a chance on their dreams and did what others thought was impossible.
I love you all,
Until my book drops.
I’m so nervous, yet excited. The cover is amazing, and the team I worked with is awesome. I look forward to hearing what people think of the story. It will be available at Barnes and Noble’s website, and Amazon. I’m so stunned that everything came together so well, that I have nothing else to write/add today. Love you all, and until later.
It always seems impossible until it’s done. -Nelson Mandela
Well, the time has finally come. My book has finally been edited, and it’s now being properly formatted. I have everything ready to go, so as soon as I receive the put together work of my book. (Yay) I sit back and wait. November 1st is both nerve-wracking and exciting. I think when I hit the publish button I will stay offline for a couple of days. I may even go to the library and sit in a quiet room or go for a walk outside.
I don’t know about you, but putting myself out there, even in a fiction setting is frightening. People always say that you shouldn’t be nervous, that your work should speak for itself. I know that I’ve told a great story. Whether a person likes it or not isn’t the problem; It’s the exposure. You, as a writer took time out of your day to tell a story. It’s new, and other people have to read it and comment on it. Keyboards warriors are very much a real thing.
I can only hope that my book is received well. I can only pray that another girl out there in the world sees that it is possible. If nothing else, my example can show that you can do whatever your heart desires.
What do you think?
I’ve been busy this week. Schoolwork has kicked into high gear, and my book promotions have been going well. This Thursday I will receive my manuscript, all professionally edited.
(And by that I mean copy editing, line editing, critique, and everything else that was wrong with my story)
Afterward, I will have my book professionally formatted- and it will be ready on October 21. Plenty of time before my release date to make any changes or have a couple more heart-attacks from anxiety.
This has been a pleasurable journey. I learned so much, met some great and interesting people, and have discovered a community just waiting for the next terribly romantic historical fiction. I do hope you guys enjoy it. Again, we’ve still got time before it’s released, (Check the banner) but I want to start thinking in the mindset of it already being released to the public. (EEEK!)
I love you all.