Birthday

It’s funny how a year can change you.

Your outlook on people, places and circumstances shift.

The hope you had, the love you hoped for, the-

Yeah.

I love birthdays.

Simply because I’ve grown wiser and hopefully stronger.

Because even though I struggled, I persevered enough to see another year.

That in itself is a win.

I’ve finally gotten to a point where I have no expectations from people.

And since then I’ve become the happiest, simply because I control the outcome.

This is such a liberating feeling that I-

Yeah.

-N

…Finally

It took some time,

Lost friends and family along the way, and it made me realize,

What’s important.

It took a lot of self-reflection,

Periods of not knowing,

To understand that I do know.

Thirty-one seems like a small feat to some,

But to me I’ve lived for enough lifetimes to come.

-N

This. Here. Now. I-

I don’t know how I feel about love.

I see the desperation around me.

The need for people to belong, never to be.

Why does that baffle me?

I’m astounded, flabbergasted, embarrassed.

Not for me, but for you.

I hope my befuddlement will one day hold the clue.

That I seem to need,

So that I can be free.

Stuck in this prison of my own making.

I don’t see the need for companionship.

Have I been burned too many times?

Have I missed my one person,

My destiny,

My sign?

I have no shrine.

I used to have dreams of how love would go.

But that turned out-

No.

I’m afraid of not feeling what everyone else does.

Am I broken?

Then why do I feel free?

Spreading my legs and throwing my head back in joy.

I’m not shackled down,

Ready to drown,

Packed to leave town.

-NR

 

 

 

I Didn’t Want To Breathe Out…..

I’m late.

In more ways than one.

I stand here in the night,

Waiting for that light.

That effervescent, unavoidable feeling,

That would explain this clear ceiling.

That’s been wheeling, stealing, taking all my feelings.

I’ve spent too much time kneeling.

My thoughts are jumbled.

I don’t know what to feel.

I want to say more,

But I’m not sure.

If I stay, I might become a bore.

I’d rather not be mentally sore.

No, I’d rather feel like folklore.

Unattainable, with a touch of womanly intrigue and lure.

-NR

Juste Une Petite Catastrophe

I don’t like being torn.

I say yes, but I don’t mean it.

I say no, but eyes say otherwise.

It’s not fair.

Making you out to be a mind reader.

But it’s what I want.

I need for you to decide.

I need you to tell me otherwise.

Pouvez-vous voir ce que mon desir ardent pour moi me fait?

Say you’ll stay even when I scream at you to go.

Say yes even when I sound bitter and tell you no.

I’m a small disaster you see.

I don’t I’ll ever just be.

A Cover…Ou un sale secret

Yeah, you read it correctly.

I’m only saying what other people are thinking.

Of what others are feeling.

What lies within all of us.

What we are afraid to let out.

What’s the worst that could happen?

It’s okay,

I’m like the rest of you.

I’m the coward that pretends to be appalled,

Secretly marveling at the tales being spun.

Does that make me a deviant?

Tu pourrais ĂȘtre rude c’est ce que je veux

Look at me.

An absolute mess because of my thoughts centering you.

-NR

Fear Conquered… (Sort of?)

“One of the greatest discoveries a man makes, one of his great surprises, is to find he can do what he was afraid he couldn’t do.” -Henry Ford

Hello, world!

This morning has been nerve-wracking and exciting at the same time. The entire self-publishing process seems to have come to an end for my first book. It releases on Friday on Kobo, Barnes and Noble.com, and Amazon. Everyone who needs to be notified already has, and now here comes the stressed-out part:

Waiting.

One would never guess that waiting could cause anxiety. But it can. When you’ve done all you can, poured your heart and soul into something you treasure, the only thing you can do is wait. Some people will love it, others will hate it, but the only way to truly know is to wait. Still, I commend everyone who has walked before me. Everyone who has taken a chance on their dreams and did what others thought was impossible.

I love you all,

-NR