There’s No Oxygen In The Room

No one understands me.
I’m pretending.

I’m not sure who I am.

I’m not sure you’ll like who you really see.

I’m not sure I can freely be me.

My heart hurts.

My chest burns.

I have no relief.

I can’t seem to see straight.

The weight of the world is on my shoulders.

I have no relief.

I can’t tell the truth.

It won’t set me free.

My body is tired.

I know no other option.

I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired.

I don’t know what I hope to accomplish with this.

Maybe my pain can give someone else comfort.

A moment of bliss.

My truth is I cannot tell it.

I hate myself.

I hate my thoughts.

My wants, and desires, and hope,

It’s been stripped from me.

Yet I have to be strong.

Always strong.

I cry at night and in the dark.

So that in the day I’m light and full of false snark.

 

-NR

La Dépendance Secrète Que Je-

It’s in the words.

This dream confused me.

For the life of me, I can’t let it be.

Our stomachs pressed together.

Dur et doux.

Why would that stick out to me?

Why should I be turned on by your stomach against my own?

My heart was racing, thighs and panties wet,

Ready to be your pet.

It was then I paid attention.

You whispered words in my ear.

Non-stop words.

Nonsensical, fast, slow, words.

With every word you spoke,

My mouth watered.

My skin pulsed.

My eyes dilated.

I wish I could remember the words you said to me.

I wish I could hold them close for the lonely nights.

I wish I could carry them with me like I do my sight.

It was the words.

The words.

Words.

-NR

 

 

 

 

Juste Une Petite Catastrophe

I don’t like being torn.

I say yes, but I don’t mean it.

I say no, but eyes say otherwise.

It’s not fair.

Making you out to be a mind reader.

But it’s what I want.

I need for you to decide.

I need you to tell me otherwise.

Pouvez-vous voir ce que mon desir ardent pour moi me fait?

Say you’ll stay even when I scream at you to go.

Say yes even when I sound bitter and tell you no.

I’m a small disaster you see.

I don’t I’ll ever just be.

Donner et Prendre…

I looked up,

And you were there.

I tried to speak,

But you shook your head.

I stepped back.

You walked forward.

“I went too far,” you said.

“I took too much,” you pled.

“I should’ve tried,” you shouted.

I wanted to scream.

I wanted to fight.

Anything but feel this.

This burning in my chest.

This racing heart.

“I lost myself along the way with you,” I spoke quietly.

I walked forward.

You stepped back.

You tried to speak,

But I shook my head.

“No. It’s my turn to speak.”

-NR

Night Screens….Une pensée explicite pour vous…

I shouldn’t click but I do.

It’s late,

I can’t keep my thoughts straight.

A song comes on the radio.

I feel that I should go.

Mon esprit me dit toujours non.

You are a drug.

I swear I’ll never go back.

Just one more time.

But then I see your name,

and it’s like a sign.

Times, minds, drawn.

Fate sealed.

I can barely get my thoughts out tonight.

Because what’s promised is more delight.

Is it selfish?

To want to feel this for only me?

To not care about you,

To not care about what anyone else feels.

I want to take,

I never got to before.

I’ve always given,

Put myself on the back burner.

No more.

Not I.

Not again.

I tell you the rules.

Instead of being bothered,

You only smirk.

Glance my way,

And take off your pants.

Draped across the bed,

You tell me to take what’s mine.

We’ve got nothing but time, is what you said.

I have your pleasure,

But only if you take mine.

This has never happened to me before…

-NR

 

An Evil Lies Here

The sun was almost fading,

A wind most assuredly aiding,

In the invading night.

Eyes could not believe,

Nor could they conceive,

The awakening of death’s delight.

He kept away,

Always told, or kept at bay.

But not tonight.

Nay, on this night,

This hallowed eve,

He would achieve,

Deceive,

Leave bereft, and give no reprieve.

He had yet until midnight,

And then his leash would be unbound,

Causing others to gasp, and be confound.

There would be no rebound.

The taste of fresh blood, and souls,

Was truly his only goal.

-NR