I can’t seem to find my mark.
I’ve arrived upon the shark.
Where’s the time?
Surely I’ve not run out of mind?
Could you help me find?
Steadily, and with certainty,
I need a hand.
Someone whose willing to stand.
Yet I press on.
Foolishly, and with no navigation,
No thought out procession,
I press on.
I have to go.
I have to reach that place,
Where bodies are constantly pressed together.
Feelings that scratch the surface,
Light as a feather.
I need something to keep me warm,
From this incoming storm.
I need that form.
The one that makes me forsake the feelings….
Nothing formal is what I should have.
But the abnormal is what keeps me satisfied.
It keeps the beast that lives inside me satiated,
Not feeling emaciated,
Starving for flesh.
Is this a test?
If so I believe you’ve found my weakness.
You I believe have bested me.
Cheers for finding my fears,
and bringing them up for me to be lost,
to be unclear.
So I’ve been pretty busy.
What with TRYING TO GET PUBLISHED AND ALL!
Anyways it has been an interesting road. I’ve been at it for a while, and at first I was nervous.
But after starting this blog, and getting encouragement from you guys has really helped me to push on.
So look out 2015!
Anyways this is a quick note to say thank you for everything that you have done for me, and my writing.
Hugs & Kisses for all!
It’s not the holidays that have me full of cheer,
Nor the consumption of beer.
Truthfully it’s the upcoming fear,
That is near.
The next year is just about here.
For the first time I’m clear.
Free of the hustle and bustle of constants sneers.
Free from the inhumanely leers.
peer, sheer, jeer,
You know what’s real.
There’s a change in me,
and for once it’s letting me be.
I can see!
Darling please pass me the tea.
I’m here on solid ground,
I’m future bound,
And it’s more than my heart can compound.
People have kept me in the past.
They’ve kept me down,
Now I’m glad,
I can no longer be mad.
“It’s cool I got it…” -N
I heard about a girl,
Whose ambition was to be a wife.
Not a lawyer,
Not a doctor,
Not the next person to solve world peace.
But a wife.
Now don’t get me wrong,
A wife has a lot to tackle.
Kids, children, a finicky husband,
You get my drift.
What made this crazy is when asked why she wanted to be a wife,
It wasn’t because she wanted to end strife,
That she had this feeling of giving life,
It was because it would give her a purpose.
As she said this I was mentally stabbing myself with a knife.
Ladies, what are we doing wrong?
I want love,
I want something more than the physical,
something that ascends even the spiritual,
Ladies hold up your man-made bras and agree with me!
We have value,
and it’s not measured by how many kids we can produce,
or how quiet we can be for HIM.
Get your mind outta the Nicholas Sparks novel!
please, I grovel before you!
We are suffering,
We need to help each other.
Pull the strength from inside of you.
“Love is not just the verb it’s you looking in the mirror,” Kendrick says.
Are we following these words?
Are we looking to love ourselves first?
I stand here perplexed……
let me introduce myself.
You see I’ve been kind,
of sound mind,
and always on time;
But no more.
Give me a minute, a moment,
a second for you to understand my plea.
I can’t really call it a plea because I don’t
care if you see.
I don’t care,
If this makes the hair stand up on your neck.
I don’t care
If this gives you chill bumps on your arms.
You see, I am beautiful.
And no I’m not 5’5 125 and blonde.
No I am not,
I’m proud to have hips, thighs, and seductive eyes.
I’m glad to be tall.
I’m glad to have breasts, a swagger, and a sweet behind that ain’t going no where.
I’m glad to have melanin in my skin and don’t need to bend.
I’m glad that I come from a culture a country a history
so rich, so grand that you couldn’t possibly understand.
I’m so glad that my people had to go through trials and tribulations,
separation of families, and dynasties
that only made us,
that made me stronger.
Now understand chattel slavery wasn’t an ideal way to make us stronger,
but you know, I guess it’s my people fault for being an inferior race and all.
But I shouldn’t jest,
my mind seems to digress.
I’m not sorry if I don’t cower in fear.
I’m not sorry if that’s not what you wanted to hear.
Save your pity,
your crocodile tears.
I’m through being patient.
You see the world I live in thinks from time to time to stereotype
to call me names so that I know my place.
The world I live in thinks it’s okay to tell other girls, and women
to lighten yourself a bit,
to wear your hair a certain way,
and in some states to call me bae.
In some places it’s okay to STILL call my father,
a grown man with a family boy.
In some states it’s okay to shoot at black boys, and men because you think they may harm you when in all honestly they die following orders, and rules THEY demand of you.
In some states it’s okay to shoot and beat a black woman on the street just for asking why you want to arrest her.
In some states it’s okay to pull over two black young girls leaving the beach, and put your hands in their privates for the world to see just because they were speeding.
In some states it’s okay to call me a nigger, darkie, sexual fiend, that needs a iron fist and a ruling hand.
Oh, I’m sorry it was in the past so it means that I shouldn’t offend your delicate sensibilities.
Again my sincerest apologies.
Someone please come and clean up this sorry lot.
these words I jot,
on the spot,
should hopefully educate a tot.
Because I am sick of hearing about you know, EBOLA,ENTEROVIRUS,ISIS recruiting 12 year olds from North Dakota, women teachers having threesomes with 17 year old boys, more politicians lying,THE IMPENDING APOCALYPSE,and anything else news related (AND THAT’S SAYING SOMETHING COMING FROM ME ONE NEWS JUNKIE) I’ve decided to regal you with my tales of new adventures.
Yesterday was my first day of Graduate school. Yep, you heard correctly;
Well folks let me tell you, it was a very enlightening day. It was fun (to me) getting up, and talking with others who wanted to pursue higher education. What I like so much about graduate school is when you get to this level everyone is pretty much chill. Now the work load is not,(FAR FROM IT) and it’s a good thing I’m a quick reader because otherwise I’d be screwed but I like how everyone applied because they wanted to be here and you’re all in the same boat, just different majors. It’s amazing how that works out. In my spare time I am also writing my poetry because it relaxes me and it allows me to be myself, and to really express how I’m feeling. It also makes me be able to reflect, and to read all of you guys’ amazing stuff and wonder, “how the heck did they create that amazing piece of work?”
You know important stuff.
Anyways I hope all is well with you. If you’re reading this and on a quarter school system and yesterday was the first day for you I hope it all went good. If you are nervous and because embarking in new territory makes you a little jittery, and unsure please believe you’ve got a friend.
“Girls you’ve gotta know when it’s time to turn the page.” ― Tori Amos (From the Choirgirl Hotel)
So, a couple of days ago I told you that I was applying to my alma mater for graduate school. After I applied and hit send, I’ve been thinking non-stop for the past couple of days about my future. Thoughts like, “Did I make the right choice,” or “What if this isn’t the major for me,” have been running rampant through my head.
You see I’ve always wanted to make a positive impact, or show change to someone who was in my position. I wanted to show other young women and girls that even when it seems the odds are against you, you can still succeed. I also knew that in my head for all my talk of bravado, and self-confidence I knew the only real reason I was picking CSU Fresno was because it was my safety zone. I picked a safe major (english), a pretty safe place, and a very predictable atmosphere; but I wanted to shake things up. So I looked into other programs. And guess what?
I am now a proud student at Strayer University. that’s right folks, you’re girl right here is an M.B.A. student.
Oh I’m scared out of my mind; (I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t worry) But I realized that I am changing, and I should try something that makes me work even harder to achieve my goal. So in a couple of weeks, your girl Nikki is hitting the books once again.
My eyes alight
with the sights
that seem to have taken flight.
this desolate night.
Here it stands.
spanned into the sands of time.
seem to be in this muck.
Where is my luck?
Where is my charm,
the one who makes life.
life…………. (You should be here) -N.R.W.
So apart from being a anxious person waiting to hear back from grad school (fingers crossed) I have decided to take up a hobby I had abandoned years ago;
I know right? *person raises hand, (Ahem, Nikki are you bored?)
*Me,standing,and responding with righteous indignation, “No of course not!” (Well just a tiny teenie bit)
Well bloggers let me tell you, Nikki is trying to be ambitious.
So tell me how you like this poem, if it sucks, if it’s interesting, or if I should just stop writing entirely. Let me know.
“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson
So guess what? I’ve finished my internship at the lovely CBS47 news! I had so much fun and being able to intern at a real news station was an experience I will never forget. I had fun, made some friends, and found out that I can still be myself, and not pretend to be someone else. I was able to see journalism at it’s finest.
I hung out with the advertising department and learned the importance of selling. I chilled with the secretary and caught up on the latest soap opera gossip. I chilled with the graphics department and learned everything that goes into making that perfect commercial, and cool webpage layout. I watched the ladies in traffic control handle everything.
As a publicist it was nice to see that my skill set allowed me to be able to help every department. I could even see myself working at a news station in the public relations/advertising department in the future if I wanted. Overall it was a fun, exciting, and informative experience I will always remember. Now I’m off to find a job that pays for my expertise.