Goodbye

It seems we are at a standstill.
I don’t know how I should feel.
I love you but I am afraid.
Afraid of what they’ll say,
Afraid of you being away,
Afraid.

I wish I was stronger.
I wish I could give you something that’ll last longer.
You gave the whole portrait of yourself.
I asked in the beginning,
You said yes, and danced along the shelf.

I wanted to as well but I was scared of what I would see in myself.
I haven’t looked in a mirror in so long,
Wanted to avoid the memories of a sad love song.
I prolong.

I have to be honest,
So I can let you go,
And you find someone full of promise.

-N

You Still Dream

It’s dark.
I can’t seem to find my mark.
I’ve arrived upon the shark.
Where’s the time?
Surely I’ve not run out of mind?
Could you help me find?
I decline,
Steadily, and with certainty,
I decline.

I need a hand.
Someone whose willing to stand.
Yet I press on.
Foolishly, and with no navigation,
No direction,
No thought out procession,
I press on.

I know,
I have to go.
I have to reach that place,
Where bodies are constantly pressed together.
Feelings that scratch the surface,
Light as a feather.

I need something to keep me warm,
From this incoming storm.
I need that form.
The one that makes me forsake the feelings….

Normal,
Nothing formal is what I should have.
But the abnormal is what keeps me satisfied.
It keeps the beast that lives inside me satiated,
Not feeling emaciated,
incapacitated,
Starving for flesh.
Is this a test?
If so I believe you’ve found my weakness.
You I believe have bested me.

Cheers for finding my fears,
and bringing them up for me to be lost,
to be unclear.

-N

I.L.U.

It makes me feel alive.
It makes me feels things I haven’t felt in such a long time.
I’m a slave to the ink.
I’m adulterous to the blank paper.
I commit all of the seven deadly sins to see the smile,
The look of appreciation on your face.
To see the review you leave in memory,
In my place.
I see space.
Here is my offering.
I hope you take it.
No, don’t hesitate,
take,
Pillage,
Consume.
I do.
I can’t seem to stop.
My God, have I reached the top?
Have I lost my mind?
Where is the time?
Where’s Alice?
She’s normally here to save me from this malice.
Me,
I need it.
I inhale it.
I lay by my bed waiting for more.
More…
Inspiration,
More….
Perspiration,
More….
Motivation,
No condensation.
Breathe
In,
Out.
Eyes closed.
Open,
You’re still here.
My dream.
You haven’t let me down,
You’re always there.
You’re still here.
Keeping me warm and clear.
I’ve never traveled down this road before.
It’s been full of strife and tears.
Will you two disappear?
come to naught?
You get my drift.
I need this lift,
this gift.

-N

I……

“All my young girls round me say get this money and screw these men…..”-Jeni

I want, I want, I want.
I need, I need, I need.
Whose gonna feed
heed, reed, speed,
I can’t proceed.
I’m in a vibe,
Can’t be bribed.
Emotions,
moving in a continuous slow motion,
Same.
Thoughts running freely,
Can’t see clearly.
Mind feels crazy,
wavy,
incomprehensibly hazy.
Do you always watch me?
I’m losing composure.

-N

Just…..There

There’s a road
that’s stretched ahead.
and I stand here waiting instead.
Feet planted firmly,
thoughts running surely,
yet I feel curly,
unsturdy,
in the recesses of my mind.
I try to find,
a way to unwind,
to define,
to not drink this wine.
So I get in the car,
driving away from the bar.
Running from feelings, urges that
mar.
Driving far,
as if i’m trying to catch that star.
Lead me,
don’t leave me be.
You see,
I need you.
I beg, and plea.
If you leave I’ll go on another horrible
spree.
One that will surely make you disagree.
Be my czar,
take the key and lock me afar.
Disregard me,
leave me in the fields raving like a banshee.
I was supposed to leave,
be on I-5 by 5.
but I stand here,
filled with fear,
won’t you help me dear?

-N.R.W. (Day 4 or is it 5? of poems)

Lost

Life is going by, and
I can’t seem to fly.
This black tie is holding me back.
You see I’m normally so spry.
I lie in, I don’t know
anticipation, for the hard,unforgiving
sensation, condensation, gyration you
provide.
While I’m astride you,
People chide,
give me looks of snide.
Trying to hold back my progress.
But I digress.
My success,
is in the love you possess.
It’s in my feelings in which you
so gladly acquiesce,
address,
to my distressed spirit.
I can’t fly
because I need you here.
Please lend an ear.
Don’t disappear.

-N