Ce Que Je Refuse De Se Sentir

“She needed a hero so that’s what she became.” -S.L.

Do you really mean what you say,
When you look my way,
You love me?
Do you really love?
Does anyone really love a person?
Is it a job,
A necessity,
Something that people feel they should say.
If that’s the case,
then by all means keep your words at bay.
That’s what I say.
Love,
Romance,
Is it really true?
Or just some mocking twist?
Keep me blind,
Keep me from this impending doom.
Right?
I don’t see an out.
I have these feelings of self-doubt,
And what’s worse is not a single person can reassure me,
That love will fix the problem.
Can you?

-N

When You’re Called By Something….

It sucks.
You feel like you are destined for something greater, and you won’t be settled until you accomplish it. It also sucks because everyone may not be on board with your “destiny” and may even mock you for it. I was watching a movie this afternoon and it was amazing to me that people are really cynical when it comes to accomplishing something great. People often forget that before you became this horrible cynic you believed in something as well. It may not have happened for you, but who’s to say it won’t happen for the next generation. In every inspirational movie I’ve seen since I was born the one thing you hear constantly is to never give up. Even though the message is cliched, it still rings true.
Never.Give.Up
-N

12 HOURS

“There is no end to education. It is not that you read a book, pass an examination, and finish with education. The whole of life, from the moment you are born to the moment you die, is a process of learning.” -Jiddu Krishnamurti

Okay I’m nervous.
in approximately 12 hours I will be sending my best work to my Alma Mater (Fresno State University) and apply to graduate school.
Geez!
Anyways it’s been a trying time. I’ve been swinging back and forth on whether or not applying but I admitted the problem I was having.
Me.
I was standing in my own way. No one else was preventing me, or keeping me but myself. While I am a confident person most of the time I have to say for this issue I was not. Me, like countless others doubt myself from time to time. The problem with me is that I shut myself down before anyone else can.
Not anymore.
Even though I’m shaking from the inside out, I’m still going to hit that send button. You may be saying, “Well Nicole why put yourself through all the trouble?” As cliche as it sounds my reasoning is simple; i’ll always wonder what would’ve happen if I never did. and I don’t want to be that type of person.
So at 12:43 a.m. western time me, Nicole Williams is saying to the world that I am boldly (well sort of) applying to grad school.
I hope this reaches you. Whoever out there is reading this I want you to know, if you feel the same way as me I understand, and can relate. But if you’re a little fearful, know that you are not alone.
We will hit the enter button together.
-N