There’s a discord,
between me and reality.
I’m living but I’m really not.
I’m breathing, but it’s artificial.
I keep feeling stuck,
But I have no idea on who to call.
I’m having another sleepless night
There’s a war raging within me.
I keep fighting the deep abyss,
I keep fighting gravity.
I keep soldiering on.
I keep walking on.
It’s not the holidays that have me full of cheer,
Nor the consumption of beer.
Truthfully it’s the upcoming fear,
That is near.
The next year is just about here.
For the first time I’m clear.
Free of the hustle and bustle of constants sneers.
Free from the inhumanely leers.
peer, sheer, jeer,
You know what’s real.
There’s a change in me,
and for once it’s letting me be.
I can see!
Darling please pass me the tea.
I’m here on solid ground,
I’m future bound,
And it’s more than my heart can compound.
People have kept me in the past.
They’ve kept me down,
Now I’m glad,
I can no longer be mad.
“You don’t know me but it’s not too late…” -Tom Swoon Feat. Amba Shepherd (From Not Too Late Bassnectar remix)
Firstly happy holidays. I love December. Apart from it being my second favorite month of the whole year,(my birthday is the first) I love the whole giving, Christmas, and giving cheer. I also love the amounts of foods being served. But I decided to do something different this year. While everyone else is contemplating eating twice the amount of the their body mass for basically the whole month I’ve decided to get, if possible healthier. I love the fatty delicious foods my mom places on the table; However I also love skinny jeans. I think that with everything you have to find a balance. Lately I have been way too unbalanced but I’ve decided no more.And who says you have to wait until January 1st to set unrealistic goals for yourself, when you can start now? I’ve been wanting to lose a serious amount of weight for some time now. My sister has encouraged me and helped me continuously by saying to me,
“Nikki, you can do it. I believe in you.”
So what am I doing? throwing away all the junk food in my house and re-upping my gym membership. She even picked out songs for me, that she said, “Was all me, and that I would understand once I was in the gym.” I could cry from how thankful I am to her. Well world I’m back.
“I don’t think an hour would hurt…” -Christina Aguilera (Morning Dessert Intro From Bionic CD)
Firstly I know that I can be late to some things but have you heard this song from Christina’s Bionic album?
Well you need to get on it.
Anyways as I was listening to the song (And it’s lovely sexual undertones) I was thinking:
It’s time to join the real world.
You see, I came home from college, and learned some things. One of the many lessons I learned was everything is never as it seems. I came believing one thing but was completely blindsided. As I mentioned in a previous post (yesterday’s) you need to already be prepared for anything that comes,(good or bad) and be able to not only make yourself happy, but realize that people may not see you or a certain situation a certain way.
Sadly I did not feel this way last year. Even though I preached one message, I still felt that I would have that human savior that would work as my Clark Kent no matter what.
What girl wouldn’t?
However my eyes were opened,messages were revealed (good and bad) and I didn’t know how to handle them.
I’m so glad that I’ve come to these realizations. Maybe it was meant for me to learn these lessons. Maybe it was meant to be dealt with before the new year. Whatever the case, I am now, and will forever be;
“The turning point in the process of growing up is when you discover the core of strength within you that survives all hurt.” -Max Lerner
So how’s it going? I’m good, just you know fighting a cold and all. But other than that I’m just peachy. Every time I get so excited because of the holidays and the simple Christmas (Or Holiday depending on what you celebrate) joys. For instance, I love the cold. Some people don’t like the chilly weather,and it makes them grumpy.
Not I, Not I.
I love pea-coats, boots, pumpkin spice latte’s, Sound Of Music, and anything else that resembles cold. I like receiving gifts,(ESPECIALLY THE BLACK FRIDAY SHOPPING) but as I get older the one thing I enjoy immensely is giving to others, and just being happy. I used to think that I had to have a gift from others in order to have a good holiday. But I realized that I like not only buying myself things, but not to expect too much from others.
Now wait a second.
That may sound bitter, or resentful but it’s not.(At least from my point of view) I love the holidays, but one thing I learned is when you set goals for yourself, accomplished them, and even treated yourself for finishing said goals you become content. What I’m trying to say is that at first give the gift of you to yourself before you start expecting items from others. You will not only be happy, but at peace.