A Pitch-Black Realization

There’s a darkness,
That lives in me.
I try to keep it at bay.
But these heartless people,
this compassionless world,
has birthed the evil inside me,
And kept the joy and mirth at bay.

You say to me,
Nicole don’t be that way,
Nicole it’s all just hearsay,
Nicole, Nicole Nicole.

No!
YOU were supposed to help me sleep!
YOU were supposed to keep the peace!
But I digress.

No one can be your happiness.
This world will take advantage,
But I’ll manage.

You will see,
No one can be,
As cruel as a woman such as me.
You’ll agree,
Beg and plea!

But too late the queen has been unveiled,
hanging the next victim,
from the silk tree.

-N

When I Can’t Anymore……

Something’s wrong.
I don’t know what to say.
I don’t know which way,
to go.
I feel stuck.
I wish I could put into words how I feel.
It’s really making me ill.
I feel bitter,
but something more.
I feel tired,
But there’s gotta be another word.
I feel beat up.
The world’s got it’s licks,
that’s for sure.
I can’t even rhyme.
I feel like i’m out of time.

I need to be alone.
I need to go somewhere and lick my wounds.
I need to go where I can find comfort.
I need a fort.
I need to not feel emotionally drained when I first wake up.
Can you help me?
You see, my mind won’t let me be.

-N

You Still Dream

It’s dark.
I can’t seem to find my mark.
I’ve arrived upon the shark.
Where’s the time?
Surely I’ve not run out of mind?
Could you help me find?
I decline,
Steadily, and with certainty,
I decline.

I need a hand.
Someone whose willing to stand.
Yet I press on.
Foolishly, and with no navigation,
No direction,
No thought out procession,
I press on.

I know,
I have to go.
I have to reach that place,
Where bodies are constantly pressed together.
Feelings that scratch the surface,
Light as a feather.

I need something to keep me warm,
From this incoming storm.
I need that form.
The one that makes me forsake the feelings….

Normal,
Nothing formal is what I should have.
But the abnormal is what keeps me satisfied.
It keeps the beast that lives inside me satiated,
Not feeling emaciated,
incapacitated,
Starving for flesh.
Is this a test?
If so I believe you’ve found my weakness.
You I believe have bested me.

Cheers for finding my fears,
and bringing them up for me to be lost,
to be unclear.

-N

I……

“All my young girls round me say get this money and screw these men…..”-Jeni

I want, I want, I want.
I need, I need, I need.
Whose gonna feed
heed, reed, speed,
I can’t proceed.
I’m in a vibe,
Can’t be bribed.
Emotions,
moving in a continuous slow motion,
Same.
Thoughts running freely,
Can’t see clearly.
Mind feels crazy,
wavy,
incomprehensibly hazy.
Do you always watch me?
I’m losing composure.

-N