That mental fog I hate so much.
It distracts me from what’s important.
I can’t focus, or I’m too focused.
The negatives are blown up exponentially.
The positives aren’t as great as I’d like them to be.
I’m low on energy.
I’m nervous, and anxious and-
I can’t say the next part.
I might be judged for that.
I don’t think anyone really knows me.
I put on so many different faces, Sometimes I can’t even tell that it’s me.
I wish someone would give me a momentary peace.
I have so many thoughts,
Some troubling you see.
Are we just pretending?
Fitting in a world that seems never-ending?
Should I rip off the mask and let everyone see.
The true me?
Do I even know her?
Or was she crafted from months of taking on another persona?
No one understands me.
I’m not sure who I am.
I’m not sure you’ll like who you really see.
I’m not sure I can freely be me.
My heart hurts.
My chest burns.
I have no relief.
I can’t seem to see straight.
The weight of the world is on my shoulders.
I have no relief.
I can’t tell the truth.
It won’t set me free.
My body is tired.
I know no other option.
I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired.
I don’t know what I hope to accomplish with this.
Maybe my pain can give someone else comfort.
A moment of bliss.
My truth is I cannot tell it.
I hate myself.
I hate my thoughts.
My wants, and desires, and hope,
It’s been stripped from me.
Yet I have to be strong.
I cry at night and in the dark.
So that in the day I’m light and full of false snark.
The sun was almost fading,
A wind most assuredly aiding,
In the invading night.
Eyes could not believe,
Nor could they conceive,
The awakening of death’s delight.
He kept away,
Always told, or kept at bay.
But not tonight.
Nay, on this night,
This hallowed eve,
He would achieve,
Leave bereft, and give no reprieve.
He had yet until midnight,
And then his leash would be unbound,
Causing others to gasp, and be confound.
There would be no rebound.
The taste of fresh blood, and souls,
Was truly his only goal.
There’s a hypocrite in the room.
Lies are being swept under the broom.
Contention lies here.
Forewarn your conscience of coming near.
They speak of blasphemy,
Yet partake of the forbidden majesty.
They talk of practicing peace,
But their homes are filled with strife, and decease.
Beware, all who dare.
There’s a change taking place.
And it’s starting within me.
I fear the light,
I escape the sun,
I balk at the goodness in people.
My optimism lies in the lies of others,
You are my savior.
You chase away the demons,
I sometimes see in myself.
I’ve said I’m lost before.
I’ve said that I don’t know where I am.
I’ve said before that I can’t breathe.
What do you think it means?
I feel like crying, but have run out of tears.
I feel like yelling but my voice has become hoarse.
I’m trying to take a deep breath,
But I can’t.
There is a layer of bricks on my chest.
I can’t cope.
You’re apprehensively aroused.
This unemotional object that I’ve seem to become.
woman I’ve become.
You look genuinely perplexed as to why I have become this soulless robot.
As if the dirty thong in your pants pocket wasn’t obvious enough on laundry day.
Avez-vous essuye les jus de la chatte sale votre visage quand vous etes venu chez moi embrasser?
Cat got your tongue?
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned they say.
Hell hath no fury like a woman.
Hell hath no fury.
Huh, It fits.
Twisting and turning in this bed.
Legs in a vise grip.
Air levels are depleting.
Gasping for acceptance,
Gasping for love,
Gasping for truth,
Gasping for understanding.
I am a huge contradiction.
I am the thing I fear the most.
I shake my head no,
But spread my legs,
In desperate anticipation,
For the devil’s euphoric stroke and flow.
My chest heaves anxiously,
For his talented tongue to taste my skin,
I need this sin.
My nipples tighten in practiced rhapsody,
For the soulless being taking me to ecstasy.
My core soaks in abject blasphemy,
For the ignorant bliss he brings for the night.
Suffocation is here,
The man in black has [finally] re-appeared.
My affinity for the sinful,
For the debauchery,
For the unattainable,
Will be the death of me.
I found my victim.
A weak, helpless being.
She called herself a girl.
Girl, boy, it doesn’t matter.
In the whole scheme of things it never matters.
Pleaded until her voice was gone.
“Mercy!” she shouted.
“Leniency!” she cried.
She shook in her chains,
But that only made me laugh harder.
She spit in my face,
But that only made me harder.
I’m only paying it forward.
I’m only returning the gratitude,
The world has bestowed upon me.
Tight with anticipation,
From the final release,
Of my stress.