Prove It To Me In The Nude……..

Heart beats quickly.
I can’t breathe.
This heady sensation.
No don’t stop,
keep going.
If all I can have is pleasure,
Then let me treasure.

Laying on this bed,
feels like paradise.
My heart feels compromised;
Yet I roll the dice.

You lean over my body.
You whisper in my ear,
You tell me things a woman should hear.

Feeling open,
Exposed,
Where is the fire coming from?
This internal steam.
You make me cream.
You scare me because you make me dream.

Dream about more than the average,
To reach for something above and beyond.

Because of your hands,
You have me doing things I don’t understand.
You make me second guess what I thought I knew.
How could I never had a clue?

You hold my body as a person should.
You tell me to trust,
You tell me it’s a must.
I’m trying, but it’s hard.

I tell you but you kiss me,
Hold me,
Shake your head and tell me that you can keep me safe and warm.
I shake my head and disagree.
I tell you,
It’s so hard to give something you fear being broken.
Used,
Overlooked.

You caress my face,
And tell me of a place we will go.
You tell me to close my eyes,
And you will make all the worry subside.

Seen, scream, beam.
You know the theme.

I take a sip from the flask,
and take off the mask.

-N

When I Can’t Anymore……

Something’s wrong.
I don’t know what to say.
I don’t know which way,
to go.
I feel stuck.
I wish I could put into words how I feel.
It’s really making me ill.
I feel bitter,
but something more.
I feel tired,
But there’s gotta be another word.
I feel beat up.
The world’s got it’s licks,
that’s for sure.
I can’t even rhyme.
I feel like i’m out of time.

I need to be alone.
I need to go somewhere and lick my wounds.
I need to go where I can find comfort.
I need a fort.
I need to not feel emotionally drained when I first wake up.
Can you help me?
You see, my mind won’t let me be.

-N

Reality Setting In

“Never do a single thing in the anticipation to prove something to someone who has hurt you. If someone has hurt or offended you (whoever that person may be), never perform anything or strive for anything in your life with the mind of proving something to that someone/ to those people. May nothing that you do be done with any thought of them in mind. There is nothing that needs to be proven.” 
― C. JoyBell C.

Hello world!

Sorry for the delay. I want to make sure that I have something good to say, that’s why I wait.

That’s what I tell myself.

Yesterday was tough. Real tough. Recent developments have happened in my life forcing me to make drastic decisions I never thought I would have to make. It hurts because when you thought you finally found some peace, or that you could open yourself up to trust, you find out that it was all a false sense of security to begin with. The quote above really struck me because most people do things to prove a point to someone. You know the usual, “I’ll show you,” or, “They will regret ever ignoring me,” spiel. The reason that line of thinking is a losing battle is because you are letting that person control you’re actions. You shouldn’t give that person the satisfaction of your brain time. I say all this to say I too was having the same line of thought until this morning. I woke up, made some decisions, and set about being a whole new person. Not one that isn’t recognizable but one that realizes the error of her ways, and a person willing to not only rectify, but make sure these mistakes are not repeating.

I hope this is able to reach you. If you are hurt, hurting, or wanting a way to start over know that you’re not alone. That no matter how hard it gets, no matter the circumstances you can finish the task given. A wise woman told me to forgive and move on. Not for them, but for yourself.

-N