My alarm clocks goes off for work.
Throw the covers off,
Try to ignore the cough,
Put on a smile and make sure to not question the boss.
There’s a pain in my chest,
Sound, wait, I must get dressed.
pressed, tested to the umpteenth degree.
The melanin in my skin shows otherwise.
I should be grateful,
In all aspects respectful.
I felt my heart stop,
my suit and heels are a prop.
“Where is my laptop?”
I can’t be late for work,
I can’t be late for life,
I can’t take a day off.
I still have to go on.
I still have to move forward.
Too many people depend on me.
Too many people need me,
Don’t you see?
I cannot be.
I was not afforded the luxury to only exist.
I must persist,
else I become dismissed.
Just one more day,
A few more minutes,
and then it’ll all be over.
I can’t seem to find my mark.
I’ve arrived upon the shark.
Where’s the time?
Surely I’ve not run out of mind?
Could you help me find?
Steadily, and with certainty,
I need a hand.
Someone whose willing to stand.
Yet I press on.
Foolishly, and with no navigation,
No thought out procession,
I press on.
I have to go.
I have to reach that place,
Where bodies are constantly pressed together.
Feelings that scratch the surface,
Light as a feather.
I need something to keep me warm,
From this incoming storm.
I need that form.
The one that makes me forsake the feelings….
Nothing formal is what I should have.
But the abnormal is what keeps me satisfied.
It keeps the beast that lives inside me satiated,
Not feeling emaciated,
Starving for flesh.
Is this a test?
If so I believe you’ve found my weakness.
You I believe have bested me.
Cheers for finding my fears,
and bringing them up for me to be lost,
to be unclear.
(If you’ve read Astell you catch my drift)
I know that you feel tired. If you’re like me and you’ve just seen a bunch of rom-coms then you know what I’m talking about.
You’re looking for a man.
And not just any man, no the hero, the savior of dreams, the slayer of dragons, the one that loves to dance and can hold a tune. He’s supposed to make your knees quiver, He’s supposed to make you throw your head back in shameless abandon, and make you wanna say his name….
Sorry, just finished reading a Katheleen E. Woodiwiss book.You get what I’m saying?
The problem is, when this man comes about, at first he tends to need you, want you, may even say he loves you,
But does he really mean it? What about years down the road, when you are ready to have children, when you are ready to be the best soccer mom on the planet only to find that it was all a lie? Oh what to do? Well let me enlighten you.You see I’m tired. I’ve heard a lot and seen a lot. As you’ve read this past sentence you’re probably smirking thinking to yourself, “Now what has Nicole seen in her 24 years of life that would make her even close to a veteran?”
Ladies, you don’t know the half of it. Men say that we are controlled by our emotions; and that may be true 90% of the time. That however doesn’t excuse, nor condone the recent behavior men have exhibited to women. (Especially the behavior I have seen) Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not in any way bitter, or wishing the death of the male gender. But I want them to really see the damage that is being done to women by their own hands.
I’ve seen a woman, give up her whole life, give everything to a man just to find out that giving everything still isn’t good enough. I’ve seen a man have a woman work, provide, basically everything and be just quietly observing on the sideline.
I’ve seen a woman who wants to start the next chapter of her life, but can’t even move on because of false information.
Does any of this sound familiar to you?
On Lifetime, there is a movie coming out in a couple of weeks about three women, who are friends and vow to be married by the end of that year. While this journey is happening we see the friendship between the women, the ups and downs in their life along with the men who invade their minds, hearts, and bodies.
Now the movie had me at first; Just looking at the previews, hearing the Sia “Chandelier” song had me going. But the more I watched the more disturbed I became. Why should that be the goal? Why are women always written as wanting to get married, or have to be because of what other people think?
Now take Samantha from Sex and the City. Now that was a woman.
Someone who did what they wanted, whenever they wanted, and didn’t answer to anyone specifically no man. And the character created in part by a woman?
WHY SAY IT AIN’T SO!
What happened to her? That story came under backlash from men, and conservative women.(Who I think secretly wanted to screw just as Samantha did but who am I to say) Is a story only realistic if a woman character wants to get married and have babies, only to find out decades later that he didn’t want to marry you, didn’t really love you, you were a duty, or he’s been cheating on you the entire time?
Ladies, If you are like me then please help me do something about it! I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Ladies we’ve changed the world before, and we can do it again.