There’s No Oxygen In The Room

No one understands me.
I’m pretending.

I’m not sure who I am.

I’m not sure you’ll like who you really see.

I’m not sure I can freely be me.

My heart hurts.

My chest burns.

I have no relief.

I can’t seem to see straight.

The weight of the world is on my shoulders.

I have no relief.

I can’t tell the truth.

It won’t set me free.

My body is tired.

I know no other option.

I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired.

I don’t know what I hope to accomplish with this.

Maybe my pain can give someone else comfort.

A moment of bliss.

My truth is I cannot tell it.

I hate myself.

I hate my thoughts.

My wants, and desires, and hope,

It’s been stripped from me.

Yet I have to be strong.

Always strong.

I cry at night and in the dark.

So that in the day I’m light and full of false snark.

 

-NR

I Didn’t Want To Breathe Out…..

I’m late.

In more ways than one.

I stand here in the night,

Waiting for that light.

That effervescent, unavoidable feeling,

That would explain this clear ceiling.

That’s been wheeling, stealing, taking all my feelings.

I’ve spent too much time kneeling.

My thoughts are jumbled.

I don’t know what to feel.

I want to say more,

But I’m not sure.

If I stay, I might become a bore.

I’d rather not be mentally sore.

No, I’d rather feel like folklore.

Unattainable, with a touch of womanly intrigue and lure.

-NR

Réalisation D’une Femme

You made it.

You reached that point in your life,

Where you’re done with the worry and strife.

You wished things stayed the same,

Not realizing that it was nothing but a game.

Gone are the days of blasting music from a busted car,

even though you remember those warm crazy nights from afar.

You did things that you now laugh about.

You danced until your feet throbbed.

You fell in love until you sobbed.

You made mistakes,

Which often ended in backaches.

Mais tu as grandi.

You’re no longer that bright-eyed pup.

Breathe in the fresh air,

Ignore the dare,

And take care.

Laugh at the ones before you,

Sit down and watch them stew,

While you catch a breath and take a brew.

Welcome to womanhood.

-NR

 

Juste Une Petite Catastrophe

I don’t like being torn.

I say yes, but I don’t mean it.

I say no, but eyes say otherwise.

It’s not fair.

Making you out to be a mind reader.

But it’s what I want.

I need for you to decide.

I need you to tell me otherwise.

Pouvez-vous voir ce que mon desir ardent pour moi me fait?

Say you’ll stay even when I scream at you to go.

Say yes even when I sound bitter and tell you no.

I’m a small disaster you see.

I don’t I’ll ever just be.

Donner et Prendre…

I looked up,

And you were there.

I tried to speak,

But you shook your head.

I stepped back.

You walked forward.

“I went too far,” you said.

“I took too much,” you pled.

“I should’ve tried,” you shouted.

I wanted to scream.

I wanted to fight.

Anything but feel this.

This burning in my chest.

This racing heart.

“I lost myself along the way with you,” I spoke quietly.

I walked forward.

You stepped back.

You tried to speak,

But I shook my head.

“No. It’s my turn to speak.”

-NR

A Cover…Ou un sale secret

Yeah, you read it correctly.

I’m only saying what other people are thinking.

Of what others are feeling.

What lies within all of us.

What we are afraid to let out.

What’s the worst that could happen?

It’s okay,

I’m like the rest of you.

I’m the coward that pretends to be appalled,

Secretly marveling at the tales being spun.

Does that make me a deviant?

Tu pourrais être rude c’est ce que je veux

Look at me.

An absolute mess because of my thoughts centering you.

-NR

Night Screens….Une pensée explicite pour vous…

I shouldn’t click but I do.

It’s late,

I can’t keep my thoughts straight.

A song comes on the radio.

I feel that I should go.

Mon esprit me dit toujours non.

You are a drug.

I swear I’ll never go back.

Just one more time.

But then I see your name,

and it’s like a sign.

Times, minds, drawn.

Fate sealed.

I can barely get my thoughts out tonight.

Because what’s promised is more delight.

Is it selfish?

To want to feel this for only me?

To not care about you,

To not care about what anyone else feels.

I want to take,

I never got to before.

I’ve always given,

Put myself on the back burner.

No more.

Not I.

Not again.

I tell you the rules.

Instead of being bothered,

You only smirk.

Glance my way,

And take off your pants.

Draped across the bed,

You tell me to take what’s mine.

We’ve got nothing but time, is what you said.

I have your pleasure,

But only if you take mine.

This has never happened to me before…

-NR

 

An Unreal Request

My friends tell me I’m crazy about this dream I once had.
They all laugh and mock till my foolish heart bleeds,
For the love it truly needs.
I dreamt of a man,
who took my hand,
and told me I needn’t do much,
just get used to his touch.
How could I?
It was all elusive to me.
you see, love never came to me.
How could I just be?
Yet he whispered in my ear,
told me things that made me shiver,
that promised to deliver.
It felt so real that to this day,
I sit here waiting,
for my dream man.