Another year has drew near,
Yet I’m free of doubt and fear.
And it’s all so dear.
This year I had lows.
This year I had doubts,
This year I heard lies.
I became someone I didn’t recognize.
I’m too exhausted and sore.
I see the sun coming out.
That’s what I’m about.
I need my happiness to be something more.
Something that someone doesn’t see as a chore.
I need my sanity to be something not wrapped up in a person,
A good person.
Is all I’ve said.
I shall take,
Anything to bring me to life.
Anything to help me not be filled with strife.
I see the light,
It’s about to take flight.
As am I, I say.
As am I.
On this auspicious day,
I have a few words to say.
I’m tired of keeping them at bay.
I’ve kept track of others,
Tried not to smother.
You have no idea.
What I knew,
What I know,
What I will know,
I hope to sow.
I hope to educate,
Am I even making sense?
Have I tried to become another great leader?
Oh, I’ve definitely snapped.
It must be this brew,
This brew that frees the tongue.
Man I feel stressed.
I wanna dance,
Does that make sense?
I want to move my legs.
Lately they feel like pegs.
But pegs none the less.
Wait, who has pegs?
Is Captain Sparrow here?
My conscience is clear.
For once it’s not working overtime in 5th gear!
Who shall I think for this impossible feat?
Did You perhaps cheat?
I want meat,
but not any kind of meat.
So I’ve been pretty busy.
What with TRYING TO GET PUBLISHED AND ALL!
Anyways it has been an interesting road. I’ve been at it for a while, and at first I was nervous.
But after starting this blog, and getting encouragement from you guys has really helped me to push on.
So look out 2015!
Anyways this is a quick note to say thank you for everything that you have done for me, and my writing.
Hugs & Kisses for all!
It makes me feel alive.
It makes me feels things I haven’t felt in such a long time.
I’m a slave to the ink.
I’m adulterous to the blank paper.
I commit all of the seven deadly sins to see the smile,
The look of appreciation on your face.
To see the review you leave in memory,
In my place.
I see space.
Here is my offering.
I hope you take it.
No, don’t hesitate,
I can’t seem to stop.
My God, have I reached the top?
Have I lost my mind?
Where is the time?
She’s normally here to save me from this malice.
I need it.
I inhale it.
I lay by my bed waiting for more.
You’re still here.
You haven’t let me down,
You’re always there.
You’re still here.
Keeping me warm and clear.
I’ve never traveled down this road before.
It’s been full of strife and tears.
Will you two disappear?
come to naught?
You get my drift.
I need this lift,
(If you’ve read Astell you catch my drift)
I know that you feel tired. If you’re like me and you’ve just seen a bunch of rom-coms then you know what I’m talking about.
You’re looking for a man.
And not just any man, no the hero, the savior of dreams, the slayer of dragons, the one that loves to dance and can hold a tune. He’s supposed to make your knees quiver, He’s supposed to make you throw your head back in shameless abandon, and make you wanna say his name….
Sorry, just finished reading a Katheleen E. Woodiwiss book.You get what I’m saying?
The problem is, when this man comes about, at first he tends to need you, want you, may even say he loves you,
But does he really mean it? What about years down the road, when you are ready to have children, when you are ready to be the best soccer mom on the planet only to find that it was all a lie? Oh what to do? Well let me enlighten you.You see I’m tired. I’ve heard a lot and seen a lot. As you’ve read this past sentence you’re probably smirking thinking to yourself, “Now what has Nicole seen in her 24 years of life that would make her even close to a veteran?”
Ladies, you don’t know the half of it. Men say that we are controlled by our emotions; and that may be true 90% of the time. That however doesn’t excuse, nor condone the recent behavior men have exhibited to women. (Especially the behavior I have seen) Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not in any way bitter, or wishing the death of the male gender. But I want them to really see the damage that is being done to women by their own hands.
I’ve seen a woman, give up her whole life, give everything to a man just to find out that giving everything still isn’t good enough. I’ve seen a man have a woman work, provide, basically everything and be just quietly observing on the sideline.
I’ve seen a woman who wants to start the next chapter of her life, but can’t even move on because of false information.
Does any of this sound familiar to you?
On Lifetime, there is a movie coming out in a couple of weeks about three women, who are friends and vow to be married by the end of that year. While this journey is happening we see the friendship between the women, the ups and downs in their life along with the men who invade their minds, hearts, and bodies.
Now the movie had me at first; Just looking at the previews, hearing the Sia “Chandelier” song had me going. But the more I watched the more disturbed I became. Why should that be the goal? Why are women always written as wanting to get married, or have to be because of what other people think?
Now take Samantha from Sex and the City. Now that was a woman.
Someone who did what they wanted, whenever they wanted, and didn’t answer to anyone specifically no man. And the character created in part by a woman?
WHY SAY IT AIN’T SO!
What happened to her? That story came under backlash from men, and conservative women.(Who I think secretly wanted to screw just as Samantha did but who am I to say) Is a story only realistic if a woman character wants to get married and have babies, only to find out decades later that he didn’t want to marry you, didn’t really love you, you were a duty, or he’s been cheating on you the entire time?
Ladies, If you are like me then please help me do something about it! I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Ladies we’ve changed the world before, and we can do it again.
“She needed a hero so that’s what she became.” -S.L.
Do you really mean what you say,
When you look my way,
You love me?
Do you really love?
Does anyone really love a person?
Is it a job,
Something that people feel they should say.
If that’s the case,
then by all means keep your words at bay.
That’s what I say.
Is it really true?
Or just some mocking twist?
Keep me blind,
Keep me from this impending doom.
I don’t see an out.
I have these feelings of self-doubt,
And what’s worse is not a single person can reassure me,
That love will fix the problem.
This cool breeze feels cool on my skin.
Heavenly respite where have you been?
This feels so good it could be considered a sin.
I don’t know how or when,
but this feels like the start of life again.
I just want to take this time,
revel in this wine,
That’s got me twisted in this vine.
Do you mind?
The leaves are rust,
reminds me of the summer must,
the complete and utter sunshine and trust.
This evening landscape,
Is more than just a pretty escape.
Thankful for everyone’s sake.
“You’re just a lover out to score
I know that I should be looking for more
What could it be in you I see
What could it be..” -Deniece Williams (Silly)
So first, thanks for all the love you have shown to my poems. It’s an honor that you are reading my poetry. It’s the perfect outlet for me. I’ve always been a writer, and will always be one whether you’ve read it or not, but it’s nice to know that it’s appreciated. (Feeling self-important here please ignore lol)
Now on to the topic at hand.
So, as you know, I’ve been through some ups and downs for the 2014 year. Although I’ve been vague on my exact reasons, you can guess that they’ve been pretty bad. Worse at times even. But I’m not here to have a pity party, or to gain sympathy. I’m trying to enlighten and help someone who may feel the same as me. You see, as an avid observer of relationships (both fiction and non-fiction)I have seen the top and the bottom. It’s also sad when fiction becomes more reliable than the real thing.
Men my age, tend to not be interested in settling down. To me, that’s fine, because this isn’t the 50’s and 60’s so who wants the wife/kids/dog combo by 25?
Not realistic I tell ya.
But what happens when you see the older generations feeling trapped, or forced to be with someone? And not for love?
What happens then?
On a re-run on the Steve Harvey show (Christmas that’s the reason for the daytime television encore shows) He said that if a man is really serious about you, or even remotely interested he will have the 3 P’s: protect, provide, and possess. What does it mean if you don’t see it?
I hear people say all the time that you don’t want to rush a man, you shouldn’t pressure him, or he left because you just weren’t holding up your end of the bargain.
HOW IS THAT FAIR IN ANY WAY!
In my senior year of college for my British Literature class we read Mary Astell, whom I have grown very fond of (completely obsessed over) and in one of her letters she talks about women being in a constant lose-lose situation. How we are mocked if we care about clothes,furniture/decorating, and babies, but mock us if we don’t, calling us to manly, or too involved in education.
SO WHAT NOW?
I’m not mocking any woman who wants these things. I’ve even mentioned in my previous post how I have complete respect for the housewife. The problem I’m having is finding someone I can trust, and who will live up to his end of the bargain.
What I’m trying to say, if i’m saying anything at all is that I understand. I want to feel completely loved, have an adventure buddy, and a lover to call mine. The problem is, every time, the woman seems as if she has so much more to lose than the man.
Am I ready for that?
And what does this hold for women in the future? Are we bound to always having to settle?
It’s not the holidays that have me full of cheer,
Nor the consumption of beer.
Truthfully it’s the upcoming fear,
That is near.
The next year is just about here.
For the first time I’m clear.
Free of the hustle and bustle of constants sneers.
Free from the inhumanely leers.
peer, sheer, jeer,
You know what’s real.
There’s a change in me,
and for once it’s letting me be.
I can see!
Darling please pass me the tea.
I’m here on solid ground,
I’m future bound,
And it’s more than my heart can compound.
People have kept me in the past.
They’ve kept me down,
Now I’m glad,
I can no longer be mad.
“A WOMAN WITHOUT A MAN IS LIKE A FISH WITHOUT A BICYCLE.” -Gloria Steinem
That’s what I feel,
When I see YOU.
This ill-conceived notion that,
I NEED a man,
I NEED leadership,
I NEED direction,
Is complete bull.
Help ME understand.
Help ME see.
Maybe I’m blind, and can’t understand the need.
I HEAR women changing their ways for men.
My EYES see a woman who gives up her morale for a man.
My BODY shakes with rage at what we WOMEN allow.
WHY IS THAT?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH US?
AND FOR WHAT PRICE?
WHEN IS ENOUGH, ENOUGH!
I never said I didn’t want a man.
I want one.
I’m like the rest of the female population who wants someone to hold me a night,
I’m with the rest of you who wants to feel incredible both inside and out.
I want someone to tell me it’s going to be all right and actually MEAN IT.
“So,” answers Nikki, “What’s the cost cross road demon?”
Laughing menacingly he answers, “Oh,let me enlighten you Nikki.
Loss of individual thoughts,
Loss of the correct speech,
Loss of common sense,
Loss of intelligence,
Then you can keep him!
“Uh,” replies Nikki, “Can I think on it?”
YOU HAVE NOTHING to offer me.
Because if you look here you see a woman.
But not just any woman,
A woman with a brain,
A woman who doesn’t think the same,
A woman completely unhinged,and untamed.
Where did we go?
How did we get lost?
Can we come back?